Today in random shit: Which movie Catwoman would win in a fight?

August 6, 2012 at 5:28 pm (Random Shit) (, , )

I have a great appreciation for Anne Hathaway’s Dark Knight Rises Catwoman – she lent Selina Kyle an edge while walking a fine line between threatening and cartoony (knife heels, catsuit, and “cat got your tongue?” It could have all very easily gone wrong. It didn’t).

anne hathaway catwoman

Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman is Master Thief Catwoman. Thief With A Heart of Tarnished Gold Catwoman. Catwoman Who Isn’t Out Of Place Standing Beneath a Storm of Destruction.

catwoman rises

There was reason to doubt Hathaway would be able to pull Catwoman off. After all, the last time someone tried was when Halle Berry got her felinity on for that 2004 flick. I remember very little of that movie. I think she had cat powers. Or something.

Halle Berry Catwoman 1

Halle Berry’s Catwoman can be thought of as the Playing Up The Hotness Catwoman. Perhaps the Torn Pants Catwoman. Or, the Catwoman Even Halle Berry Would Like to Forget.

Before that though, was the Catwoman who lived in Tim Burton’s 1992 gothic-y Gotham City. Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman was Crazy Catwoman.

Following her epic breakdown, she becomes Stitch-suit Catwoman. Catwoman Who Uses Her Claws.

michelle pfeiffer catwoman 2

Mostly though, I remember her as the Catwoman Any Child Should Learn to Fear Or She’ll Cartwheel Into Your House and Make Microwave Explosives.

So now comes the pertinent question – which Catwoman would win in a fight?

I imagine Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman would go for Halle Berry Catwoman first – probably offended by the rips in her pants. She’d attack with whip and claws, but Halle Berry Catwoman is supernaturally endowed. Halle Berry Catwoman would slink away from the hits, counter, knocking Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman back with a sweep of her heels.

And then Anne Hathaway Catwoman would roll up in the batpod she got from Batman, blast them both into pulp (she’s doesn’t feel as strongly about Batman’s no-guns policy), loot their remains, and leave. The end.

Images belong to their respective copyright holders.

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3 Comments

  1. Jim said,

    Fun comparison between the three. Thanks for posting the Razzie speech. I assumed she got it even though I didn’t watch it Catwoman. Think your actual simulation is pretty lazy. Hathaway wins via Batpod? Come on. Why not have Michelle Pfiefer have the Batmobile while we’re at it.

    • inthegrayworld said,

      Ah well, that’s actually a reference to the end of Dark Knight Rises :D.

      • Jim said,

        I know Catwoman got to ride the Batpod in DKR but it just kind of seemed like a cheap way to figure your simulation out. Michelle may have a lot better chance with her 9 lives and all.

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